Intermediates
Gallantry and accessories
Living in the mountains of Vietnam, the Pa Kô people attach special importance to wedding rituals. Having reached the age of majority, boys and girls inform their parents of their desire to marry. When this happens, the parents have no choice but to proceed with the preparation of wedding gifts. Before the young decide to start a family, however, they perform the age-old ritual of "Đi sim."
Since time immemorial, the custom has been popular among Pa Kô to allow young people to get to know each other better. When a boy likes a girl, he comes to her house and taps a twig on the wall. If she is also interested in meeting him, he opens the door and the boy can go inside. Throughout the night the two young people are allowed to talk or sing to each other. Such meetings can, of course, be repeated, and not necessarily with the same lineup. There is only one unwritten but strictly enforced rule: there is no sexual contact during the đi sim. Following the rules of the đi sim is a matter of honor, and the most severe punishment for violating them is social stigma.
Before the engagement, before the boy's parents send a matchmaker to the girl's parents, they light incense sticks on the family altar and tell the ancestral spirits about the future daughter-in-law. As a matchmaking gift, the girl's family receives an agate bracelet. It symbolizes the beginning of new ties between the two families. The presentation and acceptance of the gift signifies mutual consent to the marriage of the children.
On the occasion of the wedding, the two families prepare gifts for the bride and fiancé, as well as food for the guests. The boyfriend's parents usually give the bride's parents rings and bracelets made of silver, clothing, as well as meat from four-legged animals: pig, buffalo, goat. In return, they receive a brocade bedspread, sticky rice, fish and poultry.
The traditional wedding ceremony consists of two parts: meeting the bride at her home and conducting her to the fiancé's home. On leaving the family home, the bride puts a bedspread on her head to protect her from misfortune. When both fiancées and their relatives and friends arrive at the boyfriend's family home, his mother greets her daughter-in-law before entering. The first thing she does is remove the headdress from her head and put on agate beads. Then everyone goes inside. Once the ceremony participants have taken their seats, a conversation begins between the two families. With the members of the two families addressing each other in the form of a sung dialogue.
This form of sung conversation is a kind of competition between the bride and groom's relatives. The chants contain clear subtext in their content. One party expresses through songs the hope that the new daughter-in-law will become a good wife and contribute to the strengthening of the family. The girl's family, for its part, performs song-responses and extends good wishes to the boy's family. With the help of sung lyrics, both sides praise their children.
As you can see, preparation for family life was mastered by many Far Eastern nations centuries ago, and more effectively than we have.
